I’m too busy pitching fits. I had one the day before yesterday. I had one yesterday. I decided not to have one today.
But it was totally worth the fight and the spew and the hissy. Because sometimes even a person who strives to be peaceful has to stand up for herself, especially if what she is fighting against is a stealer of said peace. And if there’s one thing I’ll protect with all my being it’s my right to live in a peaceful space, a peaceful planet, so that I can be a peaceful me. The world rails you know. But I grew up staring down the broom. I learned to duck. I learned to run. I learned to hold a gaze while I choked on smoke (thank you, Grandmother) and I learned to fill my word quiver and fling when needed. Because I now walk in a world without the presence of that protective tribal force and I’m on my own in the here and now. Oh, my legion of angels are with me; their souls still know how to wrangle through my head and my memory. I know that. But they’re not going to fight my struggles for me.
There are people who think their agenda should rule your world, usually because someone else’s agenda rules theirs. If you don’t stand for your piece of the ground – the little square you want that is your place in this world if you don’t protect it – you’ll keep losing it. And pretty soon there won’t be a spot left to stand on, much less a place to leave your mark. So don’t let the giants and the fence-builders ruin that plot of grass. You do want to leave a mark, don’t you?
What was my agenda? After two days of hissy-fitting and two days of not sleeping and two days of fretting about the power struggle I was in and the decisions I needed to make but didn’t want to make, I decided to wave the white flag. Not because my cause was unjust nor my request unreasonable. Quite the contrary. But because my hissy-fitting ways only adding to my stress. I needed a new strategy – one that didn’t include arm-waving, eye-rolling, throwing things and raising my voice behind closed doors with said and unsaid adversaries, who kept trying to get a word in edgewise as I flung all that pent up frustration at her with my well-chosen words and hot-headed genetically induced temper. And that strategy was to disengage. I fumed and pouted, stomped and steamed (oh, it was a sight) because I realized that even though I knew she was dead wrong and wrong again, I wasn’t going to solve my dilemma by being absurd. Or disrespectful. Even though I was right and right again. Still right. Just quieter.
So I put the broom back behind the door and let go. What I found was that my adversary made an unexpected U-turn and offered a compromise. I learned two things: (1) hissy fits (if that’s what you call your non-violence tantrums) aren’t bad things if done with as much honesty as you can throw at the other person. They aren’t wars and they aren’t without integrity (2) walking away from a battle sometimes helps you win the war.
Did I get everything I wanted?
No.
But I said my peace and I kept my peace.
via Mimi Writes…….: The Art Of The Hissy Fit.
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