My dad, Mike, died at the age of 69 today. And so I wanted to share what I wrote about him 10 years ago in March of 2005:
“On the theory of the American Dream:
I was watching MTV a few days ago and they had one of their trying to be intelligent issue type programs like Made or True Life. On the show was this Indian kid who was talking about how his family was the American Dream. The reason? His parents came over to America from India to go to school here. His grandfather paid for his dad to come over. His grandfather is a plastic surgeon over in India, but he wanted his son to recieve better training. He also paid for his son’s wife to come over. His wife later became a chemical engineer. This kid goes to a prep school, drives an Infinti to school and lives in a 7 bedroom home outside Beverly Hills. He smirked at the camera while talking about his parents having an “average” existence in India, but now they can truly be happy here in America. He also said you have to be foreign to appreciate the “American Dream.” He has been accepted to Yale, which his parents are going to pay for because he doesn’t qualify for financial aid. This is his one gripe about America. He can’t go to college for free. He is, indeed, living the American dream because the American dream has become entitlement and not working hard, but smart.
Now let me tell you about the American dream. My family has lived the American dream as it was. It was originally bringing yourself up out of your circumstances, usually poverty, and providing a better life for yourself and your family through working hard, education and sacrifice. Maybe that kid’s family lived the American dream in India, but they have never wanted for anything. One aspect of the American dream is wanting for something, being hungry for it and working hard to gain the means necessary to achieve it. Maybe his dad really wanted to be a plastic surgeon, but he had the means to easily accomplish it. There is nothing easy about the American dream. His family is rich, his parents are rich, and his parent’s parents were rich. He comes from old money. Maybe the American dream was lived back a few generations and that’s the point MTV was trying to make. Somehow, I doubt that.
My case in point: My dad. He was born in 1945 in Defiance, OH. His family was not rich. In fact, he was very poor. He never had it made for him, he was never privileged. He went to a public school instead of a pricey prep school or private school. His father was frequently sick. Not sick with a cold, but tuberculosis. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he continued with his education and joined the Navy. He didn’t want to, but he did to serve his country and to help pay for college because he didn’t have generous parents paying his way.
He worked at a number of jobs, none of them glamorous or easy, to help pay for college. The GI Bill didn’t cover everything and at one point he had to drop out due to lack of money. Instead of giving up, he worked and saved up to go back. He received his bachelor’s degree in English, but couldn’t find a job in which he could use his degree. Instead of giving up or pouting like most people would, he took a job with the city of Defiance. This job provided a paycheck. He joined the union to try to provide a better work environment for the workers there and eventually became president of the union. As a kid, I was taught to say “Go Union!” Of course I was a kid, so it came out “Go Onion!” However, the intent was there. But I digress.
My dad met my mom in 1982 and were married in 1983. They bought a small, 2 bedroom house on 206 Williams St. in Defiance, OH. It had a large back yard and was across the street from a nice city park. I grew up in that house and felt in no way disadvantaged by not living in a 7 bedroom mansion. I went a private Catholic school, along with my brother, for several years and went to public school at my choice. My brother got to play baseball and soccer and I got to be involved in drama and on the cross country team. My dad’s job provided us health insurance and dental insurance. I got braces to fix the gap between between my teeth I inherited from my dad, along with generally bad teeth. My brother and I didn’t get a huge allowance, but that motivated us to get jobs and learn how to work hard. My brother had a paper route and I waited tables. I paid for most of my new school clothes and school supplies myself. We went on family vacations out west. I never went to Disneyworld, but I turned out alright regardless. He taught me Disneyworld is an overpriced sham, and he’s right.
In 2001, my dad and mom retired to Buffalo, WY after buying 35 acres of land and putting a house on it. My dad also bought a new car. When he was 9 years old and watching his John Wayne movies, I’m sure he never thought he’d own what he does and accomplish what he did. He and my mom raised my brother and I well and any mistakes we have made or will make we cannot blame on our upbringing. We learned the value of the dollar and hard work. I learned you appreciate things more when you have to work for them versus them being given to you. I have been unemployed before, but on the day I lost a job I started looking for a new one. I got back up again. And again. I haven’t been taught anything less.
It’s taken me until now to appreciate everything my mom and dad did for my family. I was a typical teenager and thought I had it so rough. That’s bullshit. My parents gave a lot. Especially my dad. There were days he worked 16 hours (8 a.m. to 4 p.m. then 4 p.m. to midnight and then back at 8 a.m.) and he didn’t see any of us really for a few days just so we would have that extra money for a family vacation. One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my dad, besides the value of a dollar, is to always look for the good in people, but don’t be surprised if you can’t find it. That allows me to trust, but not too much. He has given me my love of reading. Almost all my favorite books are ones he gave me. He also told me to question what I’m taught and not to accept it as gospel. Perhaps with the way the world is today, that is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned.
So, in summary, my dad has lived the American dream. He has worked hard, educated himself, and sacrificed for his family to give them a much better life than he had. He has rightfully earned everything he has and deserves his retirement. You don’t need to be a plastic surgeon or engineer to appreciate the American dream. You can be blue collar. And I am, as is the rest of my family. And we’re nothing less because of that.“
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