More recently, I realized that my problem was never with my diagnosis — it was with the impossible-to-achieve norms I had set for myself, trying so hard to be normal in a social setting and just ending up even more lost than I was before.

If you try to be normal when you’re not, it will simply not work. It’s like a fish trying to walk on dry land. It’s literally impossible.
But I have been obsessed, my entire life, with being normal. I didn’t want to stand out and get any unwanted trouble or attention that I would not know how to deal with.
But how is that any way to live my life?
I’m learning now that restricting and defining myself based on the actions of others around me just leaves me unsatisfied and unhappy. The space in myself I used to fill with others’ personalities and quirks is now empty. I yearn to fill that gaping hole, but I do not know how.
But I am sure of some things.
I have values that have stuck with me because of my upbringing: honesty, compassion for others, empathy (sometimes too much), growth, love, creativity, equality and justice.
And I don’t think I could go a day without acquiring knowledge, it is too crucial for me. What I want is a space in which I have complete control to pursue whatever I desire.
I’m not sure what’s next, but I know I will keep learning.
Source: As a teenage girl with Asperger’s syndrome, I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not | CBC News

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