For a million dollars today, I couldn’t tell you what day it was. At least for the first hour or so.

I woke up thinking it’s Sunday. I should spend time in bed, reading. Slowly, tracing the happenings of the world, I realized it’s Monday. I should get up and check my work email. Get coffee ASAP.

I would’ve preferred reading. I love work, it keeps me centered, but there is this book I’ve started on. A far cry from my usual (mysteries and thrillers). This is a collection of essays by Roxane Gay titled, Bad Feminist.

Before I say more, I need to mention Roxane Gay’s biography, Huger, where she details some deep ways one can hunger – be it for food, love, acceptance, more love. How hungering is so dangerous, so painful – literally. How hungering, in all its forms, destroys, rebuilds, and destroys some…

Obscured from the universe,
I’m holding up my fears,
Letting out cries
That no one will hear

My tear, just a drop
In the big, boundless sea
Flowing where it takes it
Until it’s unseen

Nobody can feel
What I feel deep down
Even the loudest of screams
Don’t seem to make a sound

They travel their way
Into the empty air
Till they go unheard,
Landing somewhere

Waking each day
Feeling all the same
Was the world this terrifying
Even before I came?

Would it even matter
If I faded away
The sun would still shine
To start off yet another day

In a cold infinite world
My tiny world is unseen
Where my quivering pain
Is only for me to feel…

This poem deals with existential dread- the fear that you are too small and too insignificant in an empty, cold and vast universe to be able to…

I watch sunbeams dance on a turquoise sea
Alabaster clouds swirl round the golden sun
The sunlight warms and invigorates me
Watching tasseled shadows is so much fun.

Alabaster clouds swirl round the golden sun
Melting azure waves stretch out on the shore
Meandering warm sands, naked toes burn
On varnished sea shells, tales of ocean lore.

Melting azure waves stretch out on the shore
Lavender skies arch over beaming waves
On zephyr's back sunning themselves birds soar
In sun-lit sparkling seas fishes play.

Lavender skies arch over beaming waves
The sunlight warms and invigorates me
In sun-lit sparkling seas fishes play
I watch sunbeams dance on a turquoise sea.




#Pantoum
The pantoum is a poetic form derived from the pantun, a Malay form:specifically from the pantun berkait, a series of interwoven quartains.