How did I do it?
First of all, by hitting rock bottom twice in a space of four days.
After those hellish days, I began spellwork and ritual. Intense work. I disconnected from my entire family and boyfriend for twenty-four hours. I went into cave mode. I did spell after spell after spell after spell, summoning over and over all the power I could with my beaten-up mind, heart and spirit, and stating my intentions and requests like a broken record. I went through seven candles and a whole pack of incense in one day. I went out to my garden and harvested basil, which I tied upside down with pink ribbons in my cave. At 9pm, I put on workout clothes and gave my all to an exercise routine with the intention of raising energy in & around my body. It worked more or less, I didn’t reach my own expectations, but I understood that I was weak after seven months of depression. I told myself that the next day would be better and took a shower, washing away the yuckiness of the day and keeping the good energy. I did yet another spell and went to bed.
I slept horribly that night, and stomachache and nausea kept waking me up. I had to get up around 3am to go throw up. There was nothing weird in my dinner and I was pretty sure that this had to do with throwing up energetic yuck. I thought that something must be shifting inside and that my cells must be reestructuring themselves.
The next morning, I woke up feeling low. A part of me was disappointed that nothing seemed to have changed after all that work, but the other part of me knew that I had to insist. The minute I woke up I engaged in ritual. I spent the entire day doing rituals, spells, ceremonies & workouts in order to raise energy in the body and surroundings, and listened to a few podcasts in between workings. I had incense and candles burning at all times, sometimes two or three at the same time, since I would perform spell after spell non-stop. Setting intention after intention.
Again, did a workout at 9pm, and this time I did feel changed, unlike the previous day. Took a shower, did the last spell of the day and went to sleep listening to a podcast.
The next day I woke up at 7am. This hadn’t happened in over a year. I had been sleeping in until 9’30, 10, 11am for months. Suddenly, I was up at 7 with a level of high energy I hadn’t experienced in a long time. Ritual. Spellwork. Then breakfast. Then more spells. Dozens of candles and incense packs used.
A month after I began doing those things, I’m feeling much better than I did before summer began. I’ve barely had any contact with my parents or sibling at all, which means I have no external influences at this point, and I don’t get to hang out with my boyfriend often because he works a lot. This leaves me with a ton of alone time in my hands, which has been good for me.
I’m still far from feeling at my best, but I have a positive light inside that I hadn’t felt in what feels like forever. I’m also feeling more sociable (whaaaat?) and have a desire to go out of the house often (what??? unheard of!). It’s a lot of work that I’ve been doing, and of course I’m impatient often and wish I could get to my goal faster, but I am where I am. Patience.











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