(Egypt’s First Lady, via Daily News Egypt)

Main Headlines

 Monday

• Egypt’s interior minister says surveillance of social media is no threat to liberty
• Egypt’s opposition threatens boycott of parliamentary elections over draft laws
• Egyptian satirical programme permanently shut down
• Court approves surgery for Brotherhood leader El-Erian
• Egypt arrests militant snipers targeting security forces in Sinai
• Government offers concessions on stock market tax
• Following a series of losses, capital market gains EGP 8.13bn
• Sequel to the acclaimed film Jews of Egyptto open Ismailiya Film Fest

Tuesday

• Sisi declared Egypt president with 96% of the vote
• Egypt’s Sisi gives first speech after landslide victory – ‪
• Saudi king says it will hold donor conference for Egypt
• Shutdown of Egyptian satirical show met with condemnation
• 23 arrested for sexual harassment
• Egyptian activist Safwan Mohamed is released in Alexandria
• Egypt’s foreign ministry summons Turkish Charge d’affaires
• Iran’s Rouhani is invited to…

(satire?)

Militant extremists from Department for Education in shocking plot to take over UK schools

An alleged plot to take over some schools in the UK and make them adhere to more fundamentalist principles espoused by the radical hard-line zealot Michael Gove is being investigated, it has emerged.

The National Association of Head Teachers said it had received some anonymous letters in February which claimed that a shadowy extremist Conservative group known as the ‘DfE‘ (Department for Education) was trying to take over UK schools and engineer the sacking of head teachers who did not promote the hard-line radical organisation’s fundamentalist ideals.

A spokesperson for the Home Office said the Home Secretary Theresa May was working night and day and doing everything in her power to eradicate the threat from militant supporters of Gove and was actively exploring ways to deport the head of the ‘DfE’ from the cabinet to prevent him becoming leader of the Conservative Party…

#3 Matterhorn stepped on California Chrome out of the gate.

If you don’t think this hurt think again. This poor horse was running on three legs instead of four.

But all of us in the horse racing business know that anything can happen in a race. On this occasion though it is more than sad because this injury alone could have cost California Chrome history.

Imagine a chunk getting taken out your heel down to the bone. Could you run a mile and a half? or a few yards for that matter. You know these horses are made out of flesh and blood like us.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the pain this horse withstood throughout the race was horrendous. I now pray it doesn’t turn out to be a quarter crack which can get quite serious.

And say what you will about owner Steve Coburn, NBC’s antics…

Damion Crawford

Damion Crawford’s “unfortunate” apology is quite inadequate. He takes no responsibility for his words. He “got carried away”. I suppose he was possessed by evil spirits (both JLP and PNP) and ended up speaking in tongues: “Yuh suppose to can look pon a man an” sey a PNP dat enuh, or yuh look pon a woman an’ sey a PNP dat. Some a unnu haffi have on orange fi wi know, cause unnu lifestyle come een like a dutty Labourite.”

Under the influence of the spirits, Crawford highlights a problem that is particularly troubling for politicians who can never be sure exactly how many sheep they have in their pen. Jamaican voters are a slick crew. They follow you up and down on the campaign trial. They wear your T-shirts. They eat and drink with you and, behind, they don’t just ‘susu pon you’, as Bob Marley warned…