Scientific study reveals up to 95% of Tory DNA is Neanderthal

Neanderthal Anti-Defamation League is lodging a protest about being compared to Tory members. Suggest that pond scum would also protest but that Venutians would be fine with it…

Pride's Purge

(satire)

According to scientists who have compared the genetic make-up of humans with that of our closest ancient relativeslarge amounts of modern-day Tory DNA is Neanderthal, reaching up to 95% in the case of some activists.

Anthropologists have long speculated that the strong primitive and neanderthal traits displayed by modern Conservatives are the result of a much higher concentration of Neanderthal DNA than in the rest of the population but this latest study provides the strongest evidence so far that the modern-day Tory is indeed the direct ancestor of the primitive Neanderthal.

Small, pioneering groups of modern humans began to leave Africa 80,000 years ago and eventually reached areas with strong concentrations of Neanderthals such as Surrey and Buckinghamshirewhere the two primitive humanoids lived alongside each other in small groups and interbred.

As a result, the latest research indicates strongly that our Neanderthal close ancestors do indeed…

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