TV host Bassem Youssef arrives at high court on Sunday  (Photo: Ahram)

Main Headlines

Monday

• FJP denounces violence, and demand justice
• Prosecution orders arrest of five activists
• Alaa Abdel Fatah to surrender to proesecutors in attack on Brotherhood HQ case
• Morsi should head up a new government: Presidential advisor
• Gaddafi aide Gadhaf el-Dam is originally Egyptian: Lawyer
• Shura Council approves Saudi loan, despite Salafi anger
• Press syndicate accuses presidency of ‘intimidating’ journalists

Tuesday

• Dozing in Doha: President Morsi sleeps at critical Arab summit
• Morsi warns against foreign interference in Egypt’s internal affairs
• Summoned activist rejects legitimacy of investigation into # Brotherhood clashes
• ‪Qatar calls on Arab countries to support Egypt
• Tourists released in Egypt’s Sinai
• Shura council passes controversial law curbing protest rights ‪
• New NGOs draft law‪ would drive “most if not all foreign NGOs out of the country,” says Freedom House
• Misr International University

(satire – I think)

Scientists say pesticides possible reason for rapid loss of George Osborne’s ability to find new excuses for tanking economy.

Two new studies showthat widely used pesticides – more specifically neoliberalinoids – are damaging the brain of George Osborne, reducing his capability to learn and remember, and thus making him less effective at finding excuses for the badly-tanking economy.

Scientists have found that two types of chemicals called neoliberalinoids and imarightcuntacides are interfering with the chancellor’s ability to find anything else other than his own incompetence to blame for his woeful handling of the economy.

Experiments revealed that exposure to pesticides was also lowering Mr Osborne’s brain activity and reducing the size of his brain, making him even more narrow-minded than usual.

However, some scientists are sceptical about the role of pesticides in the rapid disappearance of the UK’s AAA status. One expert explained the reason for the…