Pride's Purge

(satire – sort of)

Tests by experts on the Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg have revealed most of the deputy prime minister is made up entirely from chicken mechanically separated from the backbone.

The Food Safety Authority analysed 18 of Mr Clegg’s speeches and all of them contained between 60% and 100% chicken, as well as large amounts of unidentified b***ocks, the FSA said.

Lib Dem Chickens

Nick Clegg yesterday with Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander

In response to the shocking findings, a spokesperson for the Liberal Democrat Party assured any voters who may have bought into Mr Clegg’s promises that they can get a full refund after the next election by never voting for him ever again.

However, the FSA has ordered urgent tests on the quality of the Deputy Prime Minister’s electoral pledges after concerns they may contain as little as 0% of the ingredients he promised on the packaging.

A spokesperson…

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Pride's Purge

(satire – probably)

North Korea has tossed its third and biggest pancake yet despite UN warnings against international tossing of battered fried puddings, and said “even stronger” flavourings such as cheese and bacon might follow.

It described the toss as a “self-defensive measure” necessitated by the “continued hostility” of the US to eating pancakes with anything other than maple syrup all over them.

Its main ally, China, criticised the North Korean pancake for “being far too sweet”, which was also universally condemned worldwide for using too much lemon and not enough sugar.

International monitors in Vienna say the pancake had double the egg to milk ratio of the 2009 test, despite reportedly involving a smaller frying pan.

If, as North Korea reports, a smaller crepe was tossed successfully, analysts say this could take Pyongyang closer to building a device small enough to make a blueberry muffin.


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RIP Ace…

Hummus For Thought

Ace was a bit of an idiot. He rarely listened to anything I ever said. Wouldn’t sit, wouldn’t come and him rolling over was as likely as me getting pregnant with a Swahili-speaking invisible pink unicorn.

We got Ace barely a few days after Dixie’s death. We were still mourning. Dixie’s death was very unexpected. But the resemblance was uncanny except for the fact that Ace was younger and a male.

In June 2006, a car parked on the side of the road. A woman came out, opened her door, dumped a dog and left. Were it not for some kind-hearted person, and BETA’s awesomeness, we would have never gotten Ace.

Ace was the only one of the ‘new generation’ dogs who knew Rex, my old dog who lived with us, along with his twin sister Reglise, who had died a few months before, and who himself died a few…

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IPS – U.N.’s Water Agenda at Risk of Being Hijacked by Big Business | Inter Press Service

last June, all 193 member states signed the Rio+20 Declaration which includes the recognition of the human right to water and sanitation as a universal right.

Specifically zeroing on the role of the private sector, Barlow told IPS that corporations are among those pledging their support for IYWC.

Aguas de Barcelona, the water company at the heart of a fierce debate in Spain over control of drinking water, is participating, she pointed out.

So are “corporations who fought us on the right to water are now scrambling to claim it in their own image”.

She quoted Nestle as saying that 1.5 percent of the world’s water should be put aside for the poor and rest should be put on the open market.

If Nestle gets its way, she argued, there will one day be a water cartel similar to big oil, making life and death decisions about who gets water and under what circumstances every day.

“But at least we have this recognised and acknowledged right that no one should be allowed to appropriate water for personal gain while others die from an inability to pay for water,” she said.

With time, “we will build consensus around the right to water and the understanding that water is a common heritage and a public trust.”

via IPS – U.N.’s Water Agenda at Risk of Being Hijacked by Big Business | Inter Press Service.