Pride's Purge

(satire)

The government has announced it is to close a loophole in which thousands of able-bodied young military personnel are abusing the benefits system by travelling to Afghanistan and other places in the Middle East and returning to the UK without limbs in order to claim disability benefits.

Government ministers say under the system put into place by the previous Labour administration – cheats can use a loophole in the benefit rules which allows people to join the armed forces and be sent to places like Afghanistan where they can be blown up and shot at, thereby enabling them to claim thousands of pounds in disability benefits on their return to the country.

The government is tackling the problem with a two-pronged attack. Firstly, they are reducing the military’s effectiveness by cutting the number of armed forces personnel by 25% – thereby ensuring more of its members are killed outright rather…

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